Getting stabilized on the medication was the only way I was going to stay clean and avoid a felony conviction. My doctor wrote an eloquent letter for the courts imploring them to provide lifesaving Suboxone to me. I devised a plan: At my check-in with the drug court judge later that day I was going to ask the judge to send me to jail so that I could be re-stabilized there. I went to my Suboxone doctor and explained the situation, though I didn’t admit the extent of my relapse. I believed the system was there to help me. But I was still in drug court and still had a deep desire to stop using. I used heroin for several days and didn’t take my medication.
After I was taken into custody, they supposedly found less than a tenth of gram embedded in the seat upholstery. A scrap of plastic they’d found in my mess of a car was swabbed and tested positive for heroin. I was doing better-using only occasionally-until I was arrested by the sheriff’s office. I also got lucky and found a Suboxone doctor who was accepting patients. So I went to detox and then a drug treatment program (thanks to still being covered by my mom’s health insurance). If I successfully completed it, the charge would be wiped from my record. Motivated by the fear of that felony, I opted for drug court. It was as if being addicted to heroin wasn’t miserable enough and the system making things more miserable would make me stop using. I was pretty sure it would also ruin my financial aid and make it hard for me to find housing or jobs. I knew that if I was found guilty, I would likely lose my EMT license and any chance of a future career in the medical field. Possession of heroin was a Class B felony in Oregon at the time. I was arrested for the first time at age 23, still in my work uniform from the pizza place.
Eloquent medication skin#
This semi-normal life, combined with my White skin and the fact that I lived in an under-policed suburban neighborhood, allowed me to evade criminal justice involvement for years.Īll good things come to an end. I thought that if I could create a life worth living, then and only then would I stop shooting up. I had dreamed of going to paramedic school and in preparation I got my EMT license and took a year’s worth of prerequisites at a community college.
Eloquent medication full#
I worked full time in the service industry and bought as much heroin as the tips I earned would allow, never turning to auxiliary crime to support my habit.
My recreational use had descended into hellish addiction-but somehow I partially kept my life together. Taking Ox圜ontin morphed into smoking heroin morphed into injecting heroin. Sign up to receive "Life Inside" emailed to you every week. Perspectives from those who work and live in the criminal justice system.